


Can You Imagine?

by whumploversanonymous



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Lives, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First solo work in this fandom!, Fix-It, Forgivness, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, One Shot, Philip Hamilton Lives, Whump, duel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whumploversanonymous/pseuds/whumploversanonymous
Summary: When Philip comes to his father for advice and permission to attend the duel with George Eacker, Alexander is appalled and refuses his support of the decision. But, when Philip defies his requests and goes to Weehawken, will Alexander be able to stop him in time? Or will he end up with an even worse fate, just for being involved?
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	Can You Imagine?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thanks for clicking on my fic! :) This is my first completed solo work in this fandom. I previously co-wrote "Between all the Bleedin' and Fightin' with my wonderful collaborator, break_so_beautifully- who I need to thank as the beta for this work! 
> 
> Let me know how you like it and if you want to see more of me in this fandom!

“But Pa!”

“No Philip- I won’t have you dueling someone – either killing or dying – to protect some illusion of my honor,” Alexander said forcefully. “Besides- the whole world already knows of my sins, I foolishly made sure of that. What is the point?”

“But Pa- she tricked you! And then her husband blackmailed you! You were the victim!” The younger Hamilton fumed. “And let’s be real here- every man’s got to have a little dalliance once in a while, right? And yet they make _you_ out to be some disturbed exception to society!”

“Wrong. Philip don’t take your example of how to be a man- a husband- from me. I’ve failed you children and your mother far too many times. Don’t go through this and prove that I’ve failed you yet again. Duels are immature and wasteful- please, just don’t do this. Not for my sake.”

  
“What about your duel with General Lee? He was badmouthing someone you looked up to- you and Uncle John had to set him straight, right? Can’t you see that’s what I need to do with Eacker!?” Philip begged. “I can’t have him smearing your name – _our_ name- in front of the whole world!”

Alexander’s eyes shot up with a dark look. “His Excellency was worth dying for. I am not. Besides, I was only the second, and Laurens only wounded Lee. He did not kill him. To take another life is something you can’t shake, I don’t want you to end up with that burden.”

“Well you’ve killed, haven’t you? Sometimes it’s necessary!” 

“Son, we were soldiers- it was a war! This is different.” 

“But Pa!”

Hamilton stood abruptly from the desk he had been seated behind, and locked eyes with his son. Philip was surprised to see tears brimming behind his father’s angry eyes.

“Philip, your mother can’t take another heart break. I won’t give you my blessing to do this. This discussion is over. I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow.” Trying to keep back the wave of emotions that threatened to undo him, Alexander walked quickly to the door of his office and opened it. Still facing away from his son, in the open doorway, he softly added, “I love you, son.”

When no reply came, he took a heavy, quivering breath and left the room, gently shutting the door behind him. As he walked away, he silently prayed that his son would heed his words.

* * *

Alexander rolled over, sleeplessly, in his bed. He wished Eliza was there with him. It just felt cold and empty without her. Of course, he had wished that every night since he had moved into this small apartment after the publishing of the Reynolds Pamphlet. Tonight was no exception. Groaning softly to himself, he rolled out of bed and lit the candle that he kept by his bed. He threw on his robe and shuffled to his study as he tended to do nearly every night around this time.

A jolt of wakefulness shot through him as he realized the door of his study was cracked open. He always left that door closed. Cautiously, he crept through the door, fully expecting to find someone crouching in the dark behind it. After several moments with no incident, he carefully lit the lamps in the room to find it empty as it should have been. Puzzled, Alexander sat at his desk, looking around for any signs of a previous intruder.

_There._

In the middle of his desk sat a small envelope, labeled simply, “Pa”. 

_No. Please God, No._

Alexander snatched the letter and tore it open. His worst fears were quickly confirmed as he began to read.

> _Pa,_
> 
> _I’m sorry for going against what you advised, but I simply cannot abide with Eacker’s slander of our name. He disparaged your name in front of a crowd, I can’t have that. I’m going to make you proud one way or another. I’m sorry to have taken your guns without your blessing. If I am not able to return them, then I will make sure my second will attend to it for me._
> 
> _I hope you and Ma can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I have long since forgiven you._
> 
> _I must go. Please convey my love and respect to Mother and the others if I am not able._
> 
> _Your Son,_
> 
> _Philip_

The former soldier stood quickly and rushed to his cabinet across the room. Throwing open the doors he quickly found the box he was looking for. A large, ornate, wooden box meant for housing his dueling pistols. The box was there, but they were gone. Hamilton rushed to the window and glanced at the sky. Still completely dark. Probably another hour yet before sunrise. Maybe he could catch him before it was too late. He had to.

* * *

The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon when Alexander climbed out of the small boat he had just rowed across the Hudson. He was exhausted. He hadn’t physically exerted himself this much in quite a long time, and he was no longer the young man he had once been. Still, no time to rest.

Breathing heavily, he scanned the hilly terrain, looking for any sign of the men he knew to be nearby. There had been two small boats on the shore when he had rowed in, so he knew they were here. He just had to find them.

Suddenly, he heard a voice call out loudly.

“One!”

They were counting! The duel was already beginning. Alex sprinted in the direction of the voice.

“Two!”

Breathing heavily, he scaled the muddy hill.

“Three!”

Alex could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Exhaustion and fear threatened to undo him but he only ran harder.

“Four!”

Almost to the top of the hill now, he could hear the voice more clearly now. He was close.

“Five!”

There! He reached the plateau and saw five men standing a few dozen yards away. He instantly recognized the slim frame of his eldest son.

“Six!”

All of the men were turned away from Alexander’s approach. His intervention would be for nothing if they didn’t see him in time

“Seven!”

Alexander ran past the seconds, into the space between the dueling parties.

“ _Wait!_ ”

Startled by the sudden new voice, both men turned, and each, sensing motion in the other, instinctively fired. There was no way to discern who fired first, or whose bullet found flesh first, but only a moment later, the smoke cleared from the pistol fire and Alexander Hamilton sunk heavily to the ground.

“Pa! _No_!”

Philip wailed after finally realizing who the newcomer was and what had just happened. His eyes flashed to the faces of the other men present. Each face was awash with shock and fear. Philip allowed the now-empty gun to fall from his trembling fingers onto the grass below before sprinting towards his fallen father. Following his lead, the others also raced to the wounded man. Philip gently knelt behind his father, holding his torso against his own chest, and allowed the doctor to examine him.

“Philip?” Alexander blinked blearily at the familiar face of his son hovering over him. “Are you alright, son?” His eyes scanned him, looking for any sign of injury. He didn’t see a wound, but he could see that he looked frightened.

“Shh, Pa. I’m fine.” Philip sniffled in response. “It’s gonna be ok, just lie still alright?”

“Thank God.” Alexander breathed, tears shining in his eyes. “I almost lost you.”

Philip was startled when his father sunk heavier against his chest, his eyes closing and a smile gently curling across his face. He looked up at the doctor, worriedly.

“Is he…?”

“Just unconscious for the moment.” He assured the younger man. “We must move quickly. He’s been struck twice. Once in the side and once through his forearm. The location of the wounds themselves may not be life threatening, but he’s losing a lot of blood and infection could already be seeping in.”

“We can bring him to my aunt’s house.” Philip suggested. “It’s not far from the river.”

“We’ll help.” Eacker said firmly.

“I think you’ve helped enough,” the younger Hamilton bit back, darkly.

“Look- you know I didn’t intend for this to happen, Hamilton. I’m truly sorry about this, but it was an accident. It’s as much his fault as ours- he ran into the middle of the crossfire! Need I remind you that you shot him as well?”

Philip glared at the implication but swallowed the urge to fight back. “Fine.”

Philip scooped his arms around his father’s limp chest and George lifted his legs. Together they carried him back down the hill and into the waiting boat. As they were about to set off with Philip’s second and the doctor, Eacker called back once more from shore.

“Hamilton. I do apologize for both what was said and what has happened here today.” He gazed sadly at the stricken former war hero. “Your father has done a great deal for our country. And he clearly cares more for his family than he does about the idea of a reputation. I pray he survives. For all our sakes.”

Philip studied him for a moment, and while the words were painful to hear, especially with his father bleeding out in his arms, he found no malice in the speaker’s intent.

“Thank you. As do I.”

* * *

It was not yet 7 o’clock in the morning when Angelica Schuyler Church desperately pounded on the door of her sister’s home, praying that she would be able to rouse Eliza, quickly, without alarming the children too much. After a few moments, she was relieved when the door opened to reveal her beloved sister.

“Angelica?” Eliza questioned, worriedly. “Why it’s barely light out!”

“Grab your coat, Liza. You must come with me, right away.”

“Angelica, what’s happened?”

“There’s been a duel.”

Angelica reached out and grabbed hold of her sister’s arms as her face paled and her knees buckled slightly. She ushered her inside, gently, and steered her towards the study that had sat mostly abandoned since Alexander’s removal from the household.

“It seems that Philip was challenged to a duel,” Angelica began.

“Philip!?” Eliza gasped. “No- I assumed- no- please God, no not my baby! Did Alexander know? He’s only a boy! He can’t have! Angelica, I beg you! Tell me my son isn’t going to die!”

“No, no! Eliza, Philip is unharmed.” Angelica paused. “It seems that he came to Alexander yesterday- asking for permission? I’m not sure exactly, but Alexander told him to turn down the duel. Unfortunately, Philip chose to ignore his father and went to the duel this morning, anyway. Providence seems to have intervened because Alex awoke early this morning to find his pistols gone and he rushed to Weehawken to stop them. He interrupted them just as they were about to fire.”

“Oh thank God!” Eliza sighed, relief and hope flowing through her. “So he stopped him after all?”

“Eliza… Alexander was shot instead. They brought him to my house.”

“Alexander? How? I don’t understand.”

“He ran in between the two as they were in the midst of counting through their paces. His interruption must have startled them because they both turned and fired. He was in between them.”

“Is he going to survive this?”

“The doctor wouldn’t say for certain. He was struck twice- once in the arm and once in the side.”

“But the doctor is there? He’s already tending to him? Surely then he’ll be alright?” Eliza asked, hopefully.

“Yes, but Alexander won’t let him operate – not yet. He’s asking for you. He says he won’t allow the surgery until he’s been able to see you. That’s why we need to hurry.”

“He always was stubborn…” Eliza muttered, sadly. “Alright, give me a moment to see to the children and then I’ll go with you.”

A short while later, the pair of women rushed through the streets of Manhattan to the residence of Angelica and her husband. Once inside, Angelica ushered Eliza upstairs to the bedroom where they had taken the wounded Hamilton.

“I’ll be just outside, if you need me.”

Eliza softly nodded at her sister. She took a deep breath and wiped away her tears before opening the door.

“Ma! I’m so sorry!” Philip instantly cried out as she entered the room. “It was an accident! I should never have fired- I should never have gone! I-”

“Shh. It’s alright, Philip. We’ll talk about it later. I’m just glad you’re alright.” Eliza smiled tearfully as she gave her son a tight embrace.

“Eliza…”

The pair immediately looked to the nearby bed where the elder Hamilton lay. He was hovering between sleep and wakefulness, but it seemed the presence of his beloved wife had roused him, at least for the moment.

“Leave me alone for a minute with your father. I’ll be down shortly.” She ordered, gently.

“But!”

“Philip, go.”

After receiving a defeated nod, Eliza turned to truly look at her husband for the first time in months. Letting out a sob she sank into the chair by his side.

“Don’t cry… my love…”

He weakly outstretched his uninjured hand until it brushed against hers and she slowly took hold of it.

“How can I not, after what you’ve done? You saved our son. How can I ever thank you enough, my Alexander? His life has been spared because of your quick actions. I’m only sorry that you were caught in the middle of his foolish fight.” She lifted his hand and held it to her tear-stained face.

“I’m so sorry,” he whimpered. His heart overflowed with long unspoken words, but his weak state prevented him from articulating them. 

“Shh, Alexander just rest.”

“Am I at last… forgiven?” His hand tightened around hers and he looked into her eyes with a pleading expression. His face was lined with pain, but her answer was the only thing that mattered to him.

She froze and looked away for a moment. She knew what he was asking of her, and why. This was why he had refused for the doctor to begin his operations until he had been given the chance to speak to her. He wanted absolution in case he died. She knew that she should give it, and yet… she couldn’t.

“We mustn’t talk of these things now, Alexander.” She replied softly after a moment. Brushing her tears aside, she stood and walked to the door. “I’ll go fetch the doctor.”

Eliza left the room quickly, shutting the door behind her. Making her way to the parlor she was startled to find the doctor preparing a great number of knives and medical instruments, tearing crisp white sheets to use for bandages. She managed to tell the doctor that Alexander was ready for him, before bursting into renewed sobs and running from the room.

A moment later, Angelica joined her in the small study and shut the door.  
  
“What did he say to you?” The elder sister asked, gently.

“He… asked me to forgive him.” Eliza replied quietly, after a moment.

“And what did you say?”

“I…I… oh Angelica! I didn’t say anything! I just left the room!”

Angelica sat next to her grieving sister and pulled her into a tight embrace. “It’s alright, love. You’ll have the chance to tell him later.”

After a few minutes of sitting there, Angelica glanced towards the ceiling as the first moan of an unanesthetized surgery rang out from the room above them. She glanced to her sister, and firmly took hold of her arm.

“Come on, dear. You won’t want to be here for this…”

Another moan, louder this time, pierced the silence.

“No. You’re right. I should be with him.” Eliza said firmly, standing with new resolve.

“Eliza! No- it’s… it’s gruesome! You can’t!” Angelica admired her sister for wanting to stand by her husband in this excruciating moment, but to witness such a gory operation?

“He has witnessed and stood by me when I have suffered again and again the pains of bringing life to our children. The least I can do is comfort him while he endures the pain earned by placing himself in front of the bullet meant for Philip.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I am. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

The sisters shared one last look before Eliza rushed back upstairs to her husband’s sickroom. When she entered the doctor appeared busy cutting into the wound in Alexander’s side. Meanwhile the man’s assistant was occupied restraining the patient who was writhing under his grasp.

The doctor glanced up, startled by her arrival.

“Mrs. Hamilton!” He quickly tried to obscure the view of the open wound from the eyes of the female newcomer. “Can we help you? We need to attend to your husband’s wounds…”

“Don’t stop on my account, doctor. I assure you that was not my intention.” Eliza spoke with authority as she brushed past the physician and retook her place in the chair by her husband’s side. “I heard my husband cry out and knew that he needed me here.”

“Eliza…?” Alexander moaned, weakly.

“I’m right here, my love. I won’t leave you.” She glanced back to the doctor. “Please, do continue. I won’t get in the way.”

“Betsey, I…” The attempted phrase was cut short by a sudden loud groan of pain as the doctor resumed his surgery.

“Shh, Alexander. Save your strength and stay alive for me.” She whispered softly to him, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb. She positioned her torso so that she hovered over him, blocking his view of what was going on with the doctor. “It’s going to be alright.”

“I…I know I don’t deserve you, Eliza…” Alexander groaned, sweat beading across his face. He was delirious from the pain but focused on getting his point across, if they would be the last words he uttered. “But m’not ‘fraid. I know who I… who I married…please…”

With one last airy sigh, his head slumped forward, and his eyes closed heavily. Eliza’s brow furrowed in worry and she gently repositioned his head back on the pillow. Her hands softly caressed his face, brushing his hair out of his face. She was unsure if she should try and rouse him. Frankly, she wasn’t sure that she even could. Fearing the worst, she glanced back to the doctor.

“It’s alright, he’s just passed out for the moment, but he’s very weak. I can make no promises.” The doctor said, simply.

“I understand.” Eliza replied before turning back to her husband’s now slack face. Placing her forehead against his own she whispered softly to him. “I forgive you, my love. And I won’t leave you alone. I’m going to stay right by your side, now. Don’t give up, my Alexander. Stay alive for me.”

The doctor and his assistant toiled over Alexander’s wounds for several more hours. They at last finished and assured Eliza that her husband would, in fact, survive. Later in the afternoon Alexander awoke from his slumber and the couple was joined by Philip to face the news of his condition, together.

The doctor explained that the wound to his side had been bloody, but no permanent damage would be left, barring a small scar on the entry wound. His arm, on the other hand, was a bit of a different story. The bullet had ripped through his forearm, shattering the bones and tearing apart the muscles.

“Mr. Hamilton, you will recover, but I’m afraid your arm may not.” The physician explained, uncomfortably, and glanced to his patient, trying to gauge his reaction. “I’ve done what I can, but the location of the wound caused extensive damage to the functionality of the arm. I’m sorry, I am just not able to repair what’s been done. You won’t have to lose the arm, but I’m afraid you will have lost most of the use of it. You’ll likely never write with that hand again.”

“Oh, Alexander! I’m so sorry!” Eliza whispered in saddened shock.

“Thank you, Doctor.” Alexander replied after a moment of silently processing the news. “I appreciate your honesty, and I thank you for your quick work in saving my life, today.”

“It was my pleasure, Mr. Hamilton. I only wish I could have done more.” He replied, hanging his head slightly. “I’ll leave you to your family for now. I’ll come check again in a few hours and make sure that there is still no sign of infection.”

After the doctor left, Philip sat on the edge of the bed, next to his father, staring angrily at the wall.

“I’m so sorry, Pa. I can’t believe I’ve done this to you.”

“I don’t understand, my boy. The doctor just confirmed that I’ll live- we will _both_ survive this. What more could we hope for?”

“But Pa! Your arm! Didn’t you hear him? Don’t you even care!” Philip stood and faced his father. “He said you won’t be able to use your arm! And it’s all my fault! You won’t even be able to write!”

“Philip!” Eliza admonished from her place by Alexander’s head. “You shouldn’t speak to your father like that!”

Alexander stared darkly into the corner of the room for a moment before addressing his son. “Philip. Of course I heard and of course I am grieved by this. To never write again? There is next to no crueler fate that could befall me. But I tell you it is worth it.”

“But that’s your life!”

“No son. You are. _You_ are my life. You and your mother and your brothers and sisters. I can live without my arm; I could not live without you. I would much rather have died this morning than have lost you in such a senseless act.”

“You haven’t failed, Alexander.” Eliza spoke, gently. “But I do think perhaps you’ve been away for far too long.”

Philip and Alexander both looked at her intently, each hoping they hadn’t misunderstood what she was implying.

“As soon as you’re well enough to be moved, you will finish convalescing in our home where you belong. And when you’re healed you will resume your duties as father to our children. I need you back by my side. I won’t have another of my children falling in to such a foolish endeavor.” Eliza spoke sharply, but they could both see the love behind her eyes.

“Thank you, my love.” Alexander breathed in deep relief. He kissed her hand tearfully. “I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes. I won’t let you down again.”

“Just come back to my side. That will be enough.”

* * *

After Alexander had sufficiently recovered, the family decided to move from their old residence to a new home on the other side of town. Once Alexander had been allowed to return after so much time living mostly apart, they found their old home to be tainted with too many memories of unhappy times and encounters best forgotten.

It was quieter here, and better suited for their new lives as just a family. Alexander was working on learning to write with his non-dominant hand, and he still tried some cases occasionally, but for the most part, he was retired from his public life of politics. And he couldn’t have been happier. Not even Jefferson or Burr could get him riled up these days. 

He went for long walks through the beautiful streets by their home, Eliza always by his side, their younger children often trailing happily along behind them.

On this particular day, he stood outside their home, waiting for Eliza to join him. He gazed at the beautiful trees and clear blue sky and couldn’t believe how peaceful it was. And how lucky he was to be alive. He had suffered so much in his life, been through poverty and devastation and war. What could he have done to deserve such a calm, stable new existence?

“You look happy.” Eliza remarked warmly.

He smiled, his thoughts returning to the present.

“It’s quiet uptown.”

She smiled in return and took his hand. 

"That it is." 


End file.
